I am not new at this “Bread Making” lark. For a while now, one of my default methods of dealing with overstress and the onset of madness has been to pound the unliving hell out of a mount of innocent dough. Last year, this was assisted by a bread maker to do the pounding for me, which doesn’t help with the stress relief, but does make better bread.

Making bread with the breadmaker is really easy. You measure stuff out, put it in the bread pan, press the “Go” button, and come back in a while for fresh bread. For days when you can’t even be bothered with this, you can get Bread Mixes, which basically consist of skipping the “Measure Stuff Out” bit and just dumping it in and pressing “Go”.

And so today, since I was supremely busy fixing bugs and playing Monkey Island 4, I dumped in the last bread mix thing I own, and got this:

The big silver thing beside it is the breadmaker pan. It should be about that size. The white stuff around the edges are uncooked mix.

My first assumption was that the mix was out of date, but this apparently isn’t the case, or is it Bedford’s obviously inferior water. It isn’t even, and I considered this long and hard, the obvious fact that everything and everyone in the universe hates me.

Oh no.

It is, in fact, that breadmakers work better when you put the mixing paddle into the pan.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when you Critically fail your ‘bread’ roll.