Categories
Humour

Twenty times I have posted on Facebook without context

“And we shall go create our *own* Facebook group! With blackjack, and hookers. In fact, forget the Facebook group!”
September 18, 2013 at 09:35PM

Today’s moment of panic bought to you by “No, wait, wrong bank account”.
May 07, 2014 at 09:42AM

I read the comments. I should know better.
May 09, 2014 at 08:11AM

Today I am a poor physrep for a functional person.
May 27, 2014 at 12:05PM

It’s annoying when someone who is supposed to be keeping a secret blabs it in the form of an oh-so-subtle facebook thought experiment. On an unrelated note, I’m trying to track down a complete set of non-legal currency, so if anyone has any of the old “Charles Darwin” 1992 “Series E” ten pound notes, please email me.
August 31, 2014 at 12:47AM

Beware of geeks bearing specifics.
October 16, 2014 at 04:22PM

..and now it’s 2am, and I think I just used the phrase “part of a cultural neglection of non-punk in STEM industries” in a shirtgate argument. Sleep is almost certainly wise.

Today is brought to you by moral absolutism, the number n, the letter 8, and the soft sounds of falling shards after the shattering of peace

Today is mostly filled with a deep and abiding horror that it isn’t even Wednesday yet.

Today is a thousand papercuts. Of a year’s work being sliced and diced into a smooth paste for ease of feeding to the stupid and lazy; of thousands of lines of badly made code; of communities that have to stretch and peer up to see as far as decency; of a wider world intent destruction. Partly, it’s brainweasels turning all lights to grey, I know. Some days are just harder to fight than others.

Could whoever summoned me, with whatever five items they used, please reverse the ritual. It’s dark and cold here, and my batteries are running low.
December 30, 2013 at 11:41PM

Today’s accidental new phrase is from the Guardian, and is “solidarity confinement”
January 17, 2014 at 12:42PM

I swear, if computer geeks were car geeks, “How do I change the oil in my car” would get the response “Have you tried getting a Toyota?”
January 27, 2014 at 05:27PM

Exane statuses are like inane statuses, but more informative.
January 21, 2014 at 05:17PM

Note: You cannot checkbox your privilege.
April 13, 2014 at 09:33PM

Achievement unlocked: fell backwards off of treadmill
July 22, 2014 at 10:08AM

Achievement unlocked: discovered showers in gym are motion activated. While clothed.
July 22, 2014 at 10:34AM

Today’s reading on the “Is general society accepting of mental health issues?”-o-meter is a record “Not even fucking slightly”. I do wonder why I ever bought it, perhaps it’s broken.

Categories
Apple computing Humour

Hello, Computer?

This is a series zero Apple Watch, charging on my nightstand because I forgot to do so last night. It’ll last a couple of days, but I try to stay in the habit of charging it overnight. Has touch display and voice commands.


This is a Seiko analogue watch, a christmas present from my parents a decade or so ago. It was my daily-wear watch until switched to smart watches.

Notably, it doesn’t respond when you ask it to turn the lights up, or set a timer.


This is Scotty attempting to talk to a PC through a mouse or, as I like to call it, a tableau of my morning.

 

Categories
Humour

I hear there's a new book out about this

Categories
Humour Imported From Epistula social

25 Things

People keep asking me to do the 25 things meme. Or Tagging me, or something. Since Linus Torvolds – of all people – used my idea on how to do it best, I’m going to do it differently.

  1. All things are really meringue. The illusions of things that are not meringue are caused by gloss paint and superglue. It takes the supreme baker five years to bake enough meringue to run each second of our time. It requires more hens than there are space for.
  2. Purple elephants never weigh more than twelve stone, unless you dip them in coffee.
  3. The book that most affected the course of evolution was called “Ugg’s envelope”, and did so by being dropped on the head of someone at the critical point of conception.
  4. Civilisation is no more than four meals away from breakfast.
  5. If you summon an undead cactus, you will not be able to tell the difference.
  6. Science has yet to work out why your toes have toasters on the ends, but assume that it’s not a mutation that will enhance the species. Sorry.
  7. It has been proven by advanced magic that the missing ingredient in your last chilli was sugar.
  8. In Wassock, TX, they have built a coffee mug sufficient to wake up the sleeping earth. The only thing between us and a sentient planet is that they don’t know if they should make it white or black, or how much of a bad idea getting it wrong would be.
  9. Accordions are no longer banned in Westminster, but only if they do not repeat the “9th Note In The Octave” incident.
  10. You cannot fold a single piece of paper enough times to balance that table.
  11. The radius of a CD was specifically designed so that you could use them to put your drink on when the burn fails. The entire industry dedicated to specific objects for that purpose then collapsed, because it had been coasting for years.
  12. In the next series of Top Gear, all the Stigs will be put on trial for corrupting the time stream.
  13. According to tradition, the last person to leave will indeed turn out all the lights.
  14. Yes, they do come with a manual. No, you’re not allowed to see it. That would remove the fun.
  15. If you don’t get well soon, they’re going to shoot you.
  16. There is a fundamental universal law against anyone naming a decent drink “Starboard”
  17. There probably is no event horizon, now relax and enjoy your shoes.
  18. The proof of the pudding cannot be submitted for scientific analysis if you have already eaten it.
  19. Conceptually, it is impossible for elephants to fly under their own power in their current form.
  20. There’s no such place as Brazil, everyone has been lying to you.
  21. Pluto’s demotion was a coverup, really it resigned so that the affair with Tarvos wouldn’t be an intergalactic scandle.
  22. Elvis is the music industry version of Mornington Crescent
  23. Adding more cornflour stops working after a certian – very early – point.
  24. You’ll never get to heaven in a girl-guide’s arms.
  1. There are only 24 things on this list.
Categories
2008 Humour Imported From Epistula

Mister Lehrer

On Youtube, there is an archive of videos of Tom Lehrer performing.

This is him performing songs you’ve not heard before, even if you have the full box set:

Part two can be found here

Tom Lehrer is eighty today.

Categories
Humour Imported From Epistula useability web development

Meaning

Translation into Gamer of Matthew Paul Thomas’s Translation from cranky-speak into English of a selected portion of Mark Pilgrim’s ‘Silly season’ :

Adobe Apollo and Microsoft Silverlight are the HyperCard of the 21st century.

Translation:

Platf0rm 1ndepen-c is roxxor teh boxxor, L0cked plat4m suxx0r & is 4 newbs w/out l33t. lfg 4 x-s-able & useable w3b warez.

Categories
Humour Imported From Epistula weblog

Cats

  1. Lolcats
  2. Analysis of Lolcat grammar
  3. Lolgays
  1. Lolgeeks

    … and we’re done.

Categories
Humour Imported From Epistula

Three

Someone has put a maze of monkey puzzle trees between my house and the law enforcement training academy, in order to protect us from the noise.

Police are baffled.

Categories
Humour Imported From Epistula

Bring the funny

Women are funnier than men verses Men are funnier than women

Culture Wars! Round X! FIGHT!

(Different people are funny in different ways. News at 11)

Categories
Humour Imported From Epistula

BA Announcement

Until further notice BA has halted all flights from the UK.

BA announced: “I ain’t getting on no god damn plane you crazy fool!”

(Via Random)