Categories
Imported From Epistula MLP

That which is seen

Dell RAID Documentation
Nothing to see here, move along

Categories
Imported From Epistula Personal

PUK off

Aquarion dials 333.

Hi, welcome to three’s customer service. If you have a monthly contract, pr*beep*
For a long wait, followed by disconnection, press one.
For a shorter wait, but still disconnection, press two.
For a list of numbers, count to ten.
To be put on hold until we’ve had our coffee, press three.
To hear these numbers again, call back and listen to them again.
*beep*

*Hold*

Hello, you’re though to customer service, how can I help you?

I’d like to generate my PUK code and cancel my contract, please.

Are you calling from the phone you wish to cancel?

Yes

array_keys(@DETAILS)?

array_values(@DETAILS).

Right, I’m going to put you though to the Customer Options team, who will attempt to talk you out of leaving us.

*hold*

(The hold music consists of Britney Spears and Dido. Presumably to convince you this isn’t really worth the terror)

Hello, you’re though to customer service^Woptions, how can I help you?

I’d like to generate my PUK code and cancel my contract, please.

Are you calling from the phone you wish to cancel?

Yes

array_keys(@DETAILS)?

array_values(@DETAILS).

Can I ask why you wish to cancel?

Your service is useless to me.

Sorry?

from Aquarionics import “Bye Three Get One Too”

Oh, okay. We are currently offering half price line rental and a top of the line Nokia handset to people who renew our service. Would you be interested in that?

… … No.

Right. A colleege will contact you in 48 hours with your PUK code.

*48 hours later*

*Nothing happens*

*Another 48 Hours*

*Terrible movie*

*Aquarion phones Three*

Hi, welcome to three’s cust*beep*
Hi, welcome to three’s customer service. If you have a monthly contract, pr*beep*
For a long wait, followed by disconn*beep*

*hold*

Hello, you’re though to customer service, how can I help you?

I asked for a PUK code a few days ago, and I wish to collect it.

Are you calling from the phone you wish to cancel?

Yes

array_keys(@DETAILS)?

array_values(@DETAILS).

Right, I’m going to put you though to the Customer Options team, who will attempt to talk you out of leaving us.

*hold*

Hello, you’re though to customer service^Woptions, how can I help you?

I asked for a PUK code a few days ago, and I wish to collect it.

$PUKCODE

*PUKS OFF*

*Aquarion phones Vodafone (We’ve skipped the first four attempts at this)*

Hi, welcome to vodafone customer disservice.
To speak to a person who doesn’t understand the concept of transfering numbers, try once.
If you’ve tried that, and wish to be put though to someone who will transfer you to a number that is no longer in service, try twice.
To be put though to static, try thrice.
To be put though to someone who appears to be from the right department, and then be put on hold for ten minutes until you run out of lunchhour, try four times.
To finally be put though to someone who can’t really help, try just before you start researching Tac-Nuke prices on eBay.

*rings*

Hi, I’ve got a PUC code from my old provider and would like to transfer my old number to my new Vodafone account.

Okay, what is the PUC code?

$PUKCODE

*puts me on hold*

Okay, Apparently, you’ve already been issued a number for your current phone. We can’t transfer a number to a phone that already has an assigned number.

That wasn’t a problem last time.

We can’t do that.

So what do I do?

Did it come from Phones4U?

Yes

Then you have to go back to them within 14 days of the purchase and do the same deal but with the PUK code instead of the new number.

But this didn’t happen last time!

Sorry sir.

You realise I shot the last person from a mobile support line who gave me bad news?

Oh dear, sir.

It’s become a tradition.

Please don’t, sir.

*bang*

A new, identical phone-drone appears.

Ouch. That hurt. And, you’ll note, violence didn’t solve anything.

Made me feel better, though. I can’t _get_ back to Phones4U without taking another afternoon off, and I’m running out of days.

Won’t P4U help over the phone?

No. I phoned them and asked.

But you’ve been on the phone to me all this time!

Don’t poke holes in a perfectly good dialogue.

Sorry sir. So what are you going to do?

Take an afternoon off, I suppose, or work from home next Thursday and do it at lunchtime.

Mobile phone companies suck.

Surely you’re not supposed to say that?

Surely I’ve evolved beyond the straightjacketed phone-drone role by now?

Get back into stereotype, fool. And don’t call me Shirley!

You started it. And that’s a terrible and overused joke.

Oh shut up.

——-

I’ve configured my powerbook to play funky music when it loses access to the network.

It really puts the “Disco” back into “Disconnection”

Categories
Imported From Epistula MotW

Play On

I’ve been lax in the MP3 of the week thing, so:

Categories
computing Imported From Epistula

Sun Power Point

“We had 12.9 gigabytes of (Microsoft) PowerPoint slides on our network. And I thought, ‘What a huge waste of corporate productivity.’ So we banned it. And we’ve had three unbelievable record-breaking fiscal quarters since we banned PowerPoint. Now, I would argue that every company in the world, if they would just ban PowerPoint, would see their earnings skyrocket. Employees would stand around going, ‘What do I do? Guess I’ve got to go to work.’” – Scott McNealy Sun Microsystems, quoted in the San Jose Mercury News, January 27, 1997

Three times this week I’ve been pointed at that quote by different people, and so I have to point out that Sun now produce a PowerPoint clone (in the form of Impress for OOo). I wonder if they’re allowed to use it…

Categories
Apple Imported From Epistula intertwingularity

Using a Samsung Z500 with a Powerbook with Vodafone Live over Bluetooth

Gosh, isn’t networking easier when you just plug things in? Ah well.

You will require:

  • A Powerbook with bluetooth.

    Download the scripts, unsit them and dump them in /Library/Modem Scripts

    The easy bit is getting the Powerbook to talk to the Z500. You turn on Bluetooth on both and then “Setup Bluetooth Device” from the Bluetooth system preferences.

    You’ll need to tap in the security number the Powerbook gives you into the Samsung.

    The settings are as follows:

    Phone Number/APN: “internet”
    Username: “web”
    Password: “web”

    (note, these are for the UK Vodafone Live service. Ross Barkman’s site has listings for many others on his site. He is a god within our midsts and should be bought beer)

    The modem type is “Generic 3G CID #1”.

    That’s it, it should just work now.

Categories
Imported From Epistula Personal

Bye Three, Get One Too

I have ejected Three from my life.

Three are my mobile phone company. I switched to them last year because they were cheap, I wanted a snazzy phone, and they promised me I could go onto the interweb on it.

This was a slightly inaccurate communication on their point. In fact, it was a barefaced shiteating lie. I could go onto teh interweb, but I could only go onto teh bit of teh interweb who were paying Three to do so. This means I could download as many videos of Britney Spears as my bank account could handle, but couldn’t get at, for example, Google.

This is Not On, but they were cheap, and I could phone people on it, and I am well used to the moronities of mobile phones, and they promised, faithfully, on their mother’s life that they would be opening up the walled garden by December. It would all, indeed, be over by christmas.

People don’t want open access, that’s not what our customers tell us they want, [..] Anyone in their right mind who tries to do anything on the Internet with a screen that size has to be nuts. (Gareth Jones, chief operating officer, 3, NMA, Late 2004)

This was, apparently, another slightly inaccurate communication then. I slightly agree with that statement, for the record. I’m not really interested in surfing the web on a 2” screen. I am, however, very interested in using my mobile to connect my Powerbook to the world wide supernetwork.

That would be Neat.

And so, this afternoon, 24 hours after my contract with Three expired, I walked into Phones4U (who remain my Phone dealership of choice) and signed back up with Vodaphone (3G, this time).

I’m keeping my old number, but it’s going to take a little while to seep though, so for now I’m carrying two phones, which is odd.

The new phone is a Samsung Z500. I like it lots.

Categories
Imported From Epistula MLP

Beware

First, moon.google.com

Then, zoom right in.

Idea: Wonderful.
Execution: Genius.

Categories
Imported From Epistula MLP

That which is seen

The Lipson-Shiu Corporate Type Test
Categories
aqcom Imported From Epistula

Aquarion and the rolling blackout

As of this morning (About 5am this morning. Who needs sleep when you’re never gonna get it?) Aquarionics’ Journal archives are subject to a rolling blackout. Everything older than three years old doesn’t work anymore.

Currently, that’s just a pithy message. Comments are still displayed, response codes are inaccurate, archive pages are streams of “You can’t see this” messages, all things I intend to fix at some point soon.

This has been a long time coming, and a couple of recent events have made me reconsider the benefits of not having all five and a half years of archives online. They go though some less-than-sane events, and are liable to get me prejudged under certian circumstances (Like any employer who would do that kind of thing, not that I’m looking for work). Plus, a lot of the stuff in there is inaccurate, or doesn’t reflect modern reality, and too many people coming in from Google will automatically assume that because it’s on the web it’s gospel.

Journal entries were – and are – never designed to be timeless. Things I feel should remain around for reference should be Articles. This means that some Journal entries will be turned into Articles over the next few weeks, as I go though the archives looking for things I don’t want to be blacked out. For those, redirects will be in place.

As for the time, I spent a while playing this morning. Originally it was going to be six months, then a year, but both felt too revisionist to live with. Five years seemed right, but would mean that the stuff I want to avoid being judged on stays online, which defeats the object. Three years is the balance.

Categories
Imported From Epistula web development

Dom de dom dom

The announcement is here, the motion has begun. Stuff is well and truly going down.

The Web Action Standards Project DOM Scripting Task Force has been announced (The title is something of a mouthful, but Javascript Cabal is quicker, and WaSP DOM TF is more accurate) and I’m on it, representing the views of people with little time who want big web sites to do cool shit. This means at some point I will do contributory stuff (which is first going to require me getting access to a mail-server that the WaSP mail server hasn’t blocked for being deviantly dynamically IPed) and write articles and stuff, and probably be slightly embarrassed when someone points at a web site that I did (some of) the code for and points out how it’s all been done wrong.

In my defence, part of my reason for being involved in this is that I learnt JS when you were recommended to use document.write() and so I can write articles from the perspective of one who as Seen The New Light, rather than coming out from the darkness.

It’s about doing it right, it’s about doing it so that the users don’t have to notice, and it’s about enhancing the experience of most of your users whilst never ever blocking out the rest of them.

The new age of client side scripting is wandering in. Pay attention at the back.