Imported From Epistula Personal


#What was it I saw in New York.
#I’m not the same any more.

(Belle & Sebastian, Chickfactor)

Okay, I have my backups again, work will commence tomorrow. Yay. Just as my bank threaten to take away my overdraft, and one of my credit-card companies reports me to the credit-referencing agencies as the other one asks me if I want a raised limit. I really should tell them that I’m not a student any more.

Or am I? I still haven’t phoned Sunderland, and yes I know I should. Don’t stop pestering me, though (Bah, I might regret saying that).

I’ve been looking around, and I’ve been asking myself a question. Why didn’t I close Aquarionics?

For the “Day Without Weblogs” I closed the site for 24hrs. For remembrance day I closed the site. I have closed the site for various days (Valentines, Remembrance Day, Day Without Weblogs. All the depressing days of the year), apart from Valentines 2000, I haven’t actually closed the site ever because of my problems. So why didn’t I close the page for 11/09/01? I find this… odd. Out of character. It might be that my diary is now more precious to me, it might be the number of complaints I got when it closed for August. Or it might be that I would prefer to write than remain silent.

Bounce. Lonecat is coming down to TFTOPW for the weekend. This is Good, Nice, and Positive, although it’s going to mean introduction to parents and other scary thoughts and events. I spoke to my Grandparents today, and got a minor lecture on how I’ll never keep a young lady unless I become tidier. And the number of people joking about “When is the wedding?” scares me immensely. I’ve been single for the last six years at least, I’m still adjusting to the idea that people can like me, let alone go out with me. This is only slightly more scary than the fact that the only people who didn’t know we were going to be a couple at least three weeks before we did, were people who either didn’t know us, or were us.

This scares me more than I can say

New stuff coming soon: I have an idea for a new site, which is going to take me quite a bit of content writing, plus I have so much stuff to write on Ccooke‘s site it’s untrue. (Go to the Plaza. Everything that links from it at the moment is mine, including the whole station and lift complex. I’m quite proud of it, so I’m pointing people there. The cute balls of fluff and the trains, however, are Ccooke’s. There is some /strange/ stuff in there, and only a little bit of it is mine. Go forth, Explore.


To the right is box. Not a nasty, Error box. Nor a solid, content box. It is a message box. And that means feedback.

I spent minutes designing the box, and whole tens of minutes making the back end of it work properly. Please send me feedback, so I can know it works 😀

Imported From Epistula Personal

Longest Journey

Okay, I’ve been thinking about yesterday. I have a feeling I’m not alone in this. So I’m going to put some things down.

I didn’t feel helpless yesterday

I spent yesterday on an information high, TV to my left, six IRC channels, Radio and at least three browser windows open at all times, watching and waiting for the latest developments in New York. Feeding out fact and rumours, feeding each channel with the confirmed facts from the others, and watching whilst others analised the information. I’d like to think it helped some people keep up to date with what was happening, and it certainly let me able to deal with it. I don’t actually know very many people in well NY. And none that I know worked in the World Trade Centre. Within a couple of hours the people (Or rather person – Hi Sam) who I know there had checked in, so to speak. And I drifted from channel to channel, picking up facts.

I don’t analise. I’m not saying “This will me World War III”, nor “Who did this?” I’m passing on the information, and leaving you to make your own minds up.

The thing that irritates me was the reaction of my own country by this. Which was, in brief, “Argh, someone is attacking them!” followed by “Oh no, someone might come and attack us! Quick! Shut down the airports”, followed by “We support the USA in whatever they do. Please, can we lick their boots clean again sometime soon?”

Bah. All Governments Suck.

Meanwhile, back in the middle of nowhere….

Due to an admin error on my part, I didn’t get any work done today or yesterday anyway. I did some minor design work, and I wrote the Klide Archive system, as well as the Link To This Entry page (See the new lozange at the arse-end of this entry)

I still haven’t phoned Sunderland. I’m still scared. And I still haven’t written anything new. Sorry 🙁

Imported From Epistula Personal

Falling Down

This afternoon, at 9am NY time, the worst terrorist activity ever began on New York. Others can cover this far more thoughally than I could ever do, so I give you extracts from one IRC channel’s coverage of the events. There is a Text log available (Also in HTML). These are extracts from that, with added bits from other places.

"In the City of God there will be a great thunder, Two brothers torn apart by Chaos, while the fortress endures, the great leader will succumb" , "The third big war will begin when the big city is burning" - Sombody on #news, ircnet, misquoting Nostradamus, See below.

Second Plane Impact

[14:07] [Carol] Plane crashed into world trade centre

[14:13] [Aquarion] [Two Planes] Have just crashed into the World Trade Center

“Expect the middle east to be flattened shortly.” – Kuro5hin

[14:13] [Aquarion] BBC News just gone into Emergency mode

[14:23] [Aquarion] Both planes were hijacked in Boston

[14:25] [Aquarion] BBC Dip-ed. Four days ago, the US issued a world wide alert.
[14:25] [Aquarion] They knew *something* was going to happen.

[14:25] [Aquarion] …swift retalitory action against whoever they thing is responsible…
[14:26] [Womble] Shoot first, ask questions later
[14:26] [ccooke] yay! it’ll hurt less if we kill a few more people!

[14:38] [Shivetya] ‘they say’ Pentagon is on fire as well
[14:38] [Aquarion] Well, buildings behind the pentagon
[14:38] [Aquarion] No, the *actual* pentagon.

“An explosion rocked the U.S. Capitol today even as plumes of smoke billowed from the Pentagon today after several eyewitnesses told ABCNEWS they saw a plane crash into the building.”

Towers aflame

[14:40] *** Sam has joined #afp
[14:40] [Aquarion] Sam is in NY, for those who don’t know
[14:40] [Sam] I can see the smoke from my room 🙁

[14:46] [Aquarion] “Radical Islamic Group”?

[14:47] [Aquarion] […] 1k injured
[14:48] [Rhys] plus however many were on the planes…

[14:51] [Rhys] ‘nother explosion at world trade center
[14:53] [Aquarion] Oh fuck
[14:53] [Aquarion] Yes, it was the south tower

First Tower Collapses

[14:56] [Aquarion] We can’t see for the smoke
[14:56] [Sam] the sky right above me is blue. then rapidly, grey to black towards Manhattan. it smells outside and I just saw a cloud of ashes fly past my window. I’m fucking scared.
[14:57] [Thomas] oh god.. the south tower is the tourist one 🙁

[15:02] [P-work] Shoot them down *with* passengers in?

[15:03] [Aquarion] …Eradicate this evil…

[15:06] * Martin is relieved to hear from friends in New York

[15:08] [Aquarion] Eyewitness reports:
[15:08] [Aquarion] “You were walking, or driving?”
[15:08] [Aquarion] “I was running”

[15:16] [Womble] “car bomb outside US State Dept”, says the BBC

[15:17] [Rhys] “My father works in the World Trade Center. I woke up this morning from a phone call from my aunt, who told me about the attacks. I was so scared that I couldn’t even react to the news. I had to wait about ten minutes but my dad finally called; he and my mom woke up late this morning so he wasn’t on time for work. ”

[15:18] [Sam] gah. just heard a plane overhead and freaked

2nd Tower Collapses

[15:20] [Sam] AHH the other tower collapsed

[15:21] [Womble] Sam: Are you sure?

[15:22] [Sam] I’m positive
[15:22] [Sam] I just saw it happen live

“[simon_777] people *did* get out of the seccond building. My currnebt client (sun microsystems) have offices on teh 35th and 36th floors. Appernetnly acording to an internal email. all are safe and accounted for. ” -#news, ircnet

[15:30] [Martin] this is like living in a Tom Clancy novel…

[15:33] [Sam] another plane crashed by Pittsburg? argh

[15:36] [Aquarion] Israel is evacuating it’s embassies

[15:44] [Aquarion] Yasser Arafat has condemed the attacks – “Terrible and Unbeliever”
[15:44] [Womble] Gosh, really?

[15:54] [Aquarion] My god
[15:54] [Thomas] nick?
[15:54] [Aquarion] Pictures of WTC2 collapsing

[15:59] [Aquarion] 10000 people dead (mtv3, finland)

[15:59] [P-work] tamara: Depends. The pilot may have thought that crashing into the top of a tower and sticking there is slightly better than coming down unpredictably-somewhere-else-populated.

Washington, 4pm BST

“Defcon 5 =- peacetime.. Defcon 4= readiness (as in cold war), defocn 3 = war alert ready to mobilize, troops recalled, defcon 2 = active war state, defcon 1 = nukewar”
“Defcon2 confirmed!!!!!!!!!”
“Defcon is *not* public Knowlage. All Defcon status reports will be *rumours*, FFS people.” – Aquarion, ircnet

[16:32] [Aquarion] I wish they’d stop showing that footage.
[16:32] [Womble] me too
[16:32] [KinkyWork] which bit?
[16:32] * hippo feels sick : bbc just shown the plane crashing into the 2nd tower
[16:32] [Womble] yeah, that
[16:32] [Aquarion] That bit

[16:32] [Rhys] it’s just unbelievable. i mean, things hit and on fire yes, but the world trade centre simply _isn’t there_ any more

[16:40] * Aquarion wonders about Stephen Evans
[16:40] [Aquarion] His broadcast got cut off as the 1st tower collapsed.
[16:41] [Rhys] aq: oh that guy who said “hello…wait, there’s another expl…[EOF]”?

Reports from the scene

[16:43] * mike sighs at a post on metafilter: “if you look at how they fell, they fell absolutely straight down and that says that there were explosives rigged already in the tower and they wanted it to look like a result of the crashes. the first crash was to get the cameras rolling. the second crash was to introduce. and the bombings were to ice the cake. right now a 2nd hijacked plane is heading towards the pentagon as i type this. THIS IS WAR.”
[16:44] [Aquarion] mike: The towers were designed to fall straight down. Should they fall at all.

[17:12] [Aquarion] *sigh* Why do I feel that at any moment Jeramy Beadle should pop up and say “Hah! Fooled you!”. *wish*
[17:13] [thom] it feels like that should happen. that this is just a goddamn *joke*, a ridiculous hoax, with puppets and models and cgi.

[17:16] [pol] This is some seriously bad stuff

[17:19] [Aquarion] All other news has now been suspended until further notice
[17:19] [ccooke] aqua: ?
[17:20] [Aquarion] The tory leadership contest, the TUC stuff, and most everything not .us based as been suspended until they have a chance at airtime
[17:20] [ccooke] understandable.

[17:27] [ccooke] aqua: any more news/confirmations/denials about the one heading to london?
[17:28] [Aquarion] None
[17:28] [Aquarion] None even *mentioned*, all planes that the FAA mentioned are accounted for
[17:29] [Aquarion] And if *anyone* belives that a plane due to fly from Boston to NY would make it to .uk, I have a new fuel tank to sell you.

[ Ananova |
BBC | CNN | Newsforge <!–| The Register >| Sky News | Jens | Images from
Here and
Here –>]

Modified 11:55-12/09/2001 for removed incorrect content, and more links 🙂
Modified Dec 2002 for image-rot
Modified Sept 2003 for further link/image-rot

Imported From Epistula Personal

Format C:

First, No, I haven’t phoned Sunderland. I will. Probably. I just don’t want the answer. I don’t want to be told that for the thousanth time I am an abject failure. A waste of human life.

The fact that I know it’s true won’t soften it. It’s the thing I’m most scared of, and always have been, is failure. I should be used to it by now, really, but I’m still terrified of that little brown piece of paper that says “Failed”. “You are a fuckwit. You have wasted two years of your life. You are the weakest link. Goodbye”.

Except it *isn’t* goodbye. It’s “See you soon”. It’s the invitation back to Sunny Sunderland. It’s another year in Sunderland where I don’t feel safe.

And, of course, I have another, bigger, reason not to want to go.

It’s the other end of the country from Lonecat.

So I don’t want to go. I will go though every option, even if it means living here for another few months, to stop me going back to Sunderland

That really wasn’t what I was going to say. Damn. I’m coming down from a *wonderful* weekend into the deepest pits of Real Life.

Decided that today was the day to repartition Delirium. Started that at 12. Finshed that at 22:00. I love these timesaving devices. Behind me it chugs away installing Windows.

Busy doing nothing….

Imported From Epistula Personal

The Dating Game 5: Ki's Outing.

Went to Cambridge.

Geeked with Lonecat & Ccooke

Saw Lonecat before she went to the wonderful world of Bath, and intended to say Important Things, but ended up kissing instead. Which, it must be pointed out, is not in any way a bad thing, but both of us are too polite to speak with our mouths full.

Sorry. Too Much Info.

So Things remain unsaid, except in IRC, and my resolution to visit Bath fairly soon after LC moves in grew a notch or several.

Important points were made on a few projects, including metafandom, and other things. Books & Music were pimped. I have a new resolution to buy all the Transmetropolitan series, and I pimped Michael Marshall Smith at Lonecat, and in return have a Boo Radley’s CD to listen to. Media Good

Imported From Epistula Personal

Letters of doom

And so it’s still happening. And I’m wandering up to see Lonecat tomorrow, which should be fairly high definitions of fun.

Today, however, was Not Fun. I got a letter.

Dear Student

Said this letter, incorrectly. Did I mention this letter is from Sunderland University? This letter is from Sunderland University.

Dear Student,
Please disregard the previous letter, these are the *real* dates you should come back for.

There has been no previous letter.

This is either a mistake (10/10 for optimism, Aquarion, top of the class and jump off), Or I missed the letter that said I’ve failed the assignment I had to complete to get my HND. And, TBH, I don’t think I can survive another year up there. And it *would* be a year. And I know that this Freelance thing I do means it doesn’t really matter *where* I am to do the work, Sunderland is the opposite side of the frigging country from here and, more importantly, from LoneCat.

Two years living within half an hour of each other, and we get together when we both leave. Or when she does leave, and I think I have).

The temptation is, of course, to take the modules completed and try to cash it in for something similer nearer home, basically to try and complete the module somewhere else. But I don’t know if I can do this. But first, of course, I have to phone or contact in some way Sunderland University, just to make sure I have fucked this up properly.

And continue to hope it’s all a mistake.

Their’s, this time, not mine.

Imported From Epistula Personal


Hello there funseekers 🙂

Another day, another failure. I’ve broken windows on my main box (Delirium), by overwriting the MBR of /dev/hda1 when I should have been using /dev/hda. I now have to find a bootable windows CD in order to get it back. Ho Hum.

Still failed to work on the database, mostly due to the above screwup, although I now have my IRC connection working properly, my Windows box is going more and more unstable, in that every time I open a file from another applicaiton (For example, opening a DCC that mIRC has just finished), windows crashes. Quicktime crashes if I start *anything* before I start *that*, and Winamp crashes if I try to open it after I’ve closed it once this reboot. Grr. Bloody Windows.

It’s still better than Linux for some things, however, and playing Diablo II remains one of them 🙂 I’ve just managed to complete Act I (Ooooh, Well done Aq, you’ve only had it 8 months) in a couple of days fairly intence playing. Final Fantasy, however, is still impossible. I don’t think my people are high enough levels to defeat the current crop of enemies (Grr. I spent so much pouring time and skills into Aeris that when she (Warning, FF7 Spoiler ahead. Skip to next paragraph if you Don’t Want to Know) dies, I was in *major* amounts of trouble. Oh well. Soon I’ll manage it, then get FF8, Nine, then a PS2 so I can play 10, 11 …

Still on cloud nine over the whole Lonecat thing. This doesn’t happen. I’m dreaming. I’ve been dreaming for almost two weeks now. Okay, maybe this is happening. At some point I will actually have to say in *real* life the fateful words I’m so scared of. Preferably first. (Fateful words? Yes. Three words, of ne letter, then four, then three. Middle rhymes with “Glove”). Scary facts of the week include the number of people telling us that they “knew we would get together” for time periods ranging from two weeks beforehand to six months.


What with that, people matchmaking us, and everything, should we be suprised it happened? Because I am. Anyway, it’s quarter past Thursday, so I’d better go to bed. TTFN.

Imported From Epistula Personal

Dungeon Keeper

Spent an entertaining day mucking around with Cookie’s Dungeon whilst talking to Lonecat and bullying people into holding meets to get me away from home this weekend…

I’m bored. I decided to download DJGPP today, the Free C++ Compiler, to brush up on my C++ skills, and write a plugin for Winamp that will auto-update that little “Music” box to the left. Amy‘s neatocool program to do it is crashing on me, and the one that’s doing it at the moment exports *horrible* HTML that I can’t customise. Which is irritating

In more geeky, but less random, stuff, I really have to crack on with writing the database someone wants to pay me for. Also the database for the Informatrix, the DB for Gamabase… I spent eight years complaining about how much I *hate* databases, and now I have discovered I think in the right number of dimensions to write them.

Funny how things happen, isn’t it?

Imported From Epistula Personal

Brave New World

So, what do you think?

Welcome to my housewarming party, and to the brand new design and system for Aquarionics III. Poke around, see what you can find, use the little panel on the right to send me a message. The old archives are all here, most of the old content is back as well with a couple more stories. Stuff that’s vanished includes the webcam (Back when I get it working) “Mostly…”, which is morphing into the Informatrix, and the Music section, which finally generated enough “Please send me the MP3” requests for me to get bored and take it down.

Let me know what you think 🙂

Then there was my weekend, which was fun for degrees of fun I don’t deserve. Lonecat came down for a couple of days, Stuff happened, we went to see Cats & Dogs (decent movie, although obviously the wrong side won :->). She came and watched me filming the final part of the ever-so-long-running Dr Who Fan Project I’ve been helping with for just over four years now, and I almost introduced her to my parents.

That was close 🙂

I’m happy. A mental state I’m fairly ill-equiped to be dealing with right now.

Yay 😀