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Aquarius dislikes wasps slightly

Scott Andrews also has misgivings

Me? I have no objection to wasps. Nor spiders. Nor daddy long-legs, Nor any insect less than 1% of my mass. I can sort of see why people get upset, because some people just seem to attract insects. Personally, when I hold still while a wasp buzzes around my face they ignore me (unless, as happened on one occasion, the wasp comes behind my glasses. At which point I will close my eyes and murmer to the people who want to kill it to take a few steps backwards). I don’t hit them, they ignore me, and go for the person who is jumping up and down and waving arms like a windmill.

Snails, on the other hand, worry me. We have an infestation (there is no other word) of snails. There are almost a hundred of them on the bush that climbs outside our house. They climb up my window and die, baked into snail pie by the late-summer sun. On one occasion one died in the hinges of our front door. It took a couple of minutes to open it the next morning. Outside was a pair of girls with “Jehovah’s Witness” written upon them in mental chalk. They had leaflets. They had pink cardicans. They asked me if I wanted to talk to them for a little while.

I told them I’d love to, but the snails were invading and I had to hold them back. Thankyou, though.

They grinned, somewhat fixedly, and left, somewhat confused.

I then went – barefoot – to get the washing in.

And trod – barefoot – on four unseen snails. Every little bit helps

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