41 Punchlines
(Via Little Red Boat)

  1. And for my third wish, I wished that my head was a tangerine.
  2. a Wonkey.
  3. The cigarette Machine’s out of order.
  4. Oh, shit, I’ve just run over a nun.
  5. Ding DONG, Damnit, ding DONG!
  6. “I wath thick!”
  7. To get to the other side.
  8. Ouch.
  9. “Well, whose arms are these then?”
  10. A stick.
  11. Come Dancing.
  12. “Alright, this time youhold the pigeon down, and I’ll shit on its head!…”
  13. It’s driving me Nuts.
  14. The guy in the next bed wants to buy your slippers.
  15. I’m sorry, we don’t serve food.
  16. “I didn’t say she had ‘dental inadequaucies, I said she was Fucking Goofy
  17. You see that nurse over there? I’ve shagged her.
  18. And the monster says “Tag! You’re it!”
  19. What would I need with a prince? You can make a lot of money out of a talking frog.
  20. Well, darling, you know where the matches are…
  21. Just the one, but it will take a long time, and the bulb has to really want to change.
  22. To keep her ankles warm.
  23. Two, but how the hell did they get in there?
  24. Its arse.
  25. So the barman gave her one.
  26. “You think I really wished for a twelve inch pianist?”
  27. “In that case, Have you got any duck food?”
  28. Don’t mess with that guy, he’s fuckin’ menthol.
  29. One.
  30. “Pardon me, God, But he was wearing a hat”
  31. That’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.
  32. No, I’m a knot.
  33. “Well, you can come in, but don’t start anything.
  34. “It’s the way you tell’em…”
  35. Both of them are small and round and purple apart from the tractor.
  36. “Pardon me Al? Is this the Cat that chewed your new shoes?”
  37. Is it Ray Charles?
  38. You come in here, giving it all that…
  39. Marmaduke stew
  40. “No, darling, you can flush like everyone else…”
  41. A baby in a microwave.