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edited slightly for language and people. Increased lanugage, decreased people 01-1-31
Beware, This is where it starts getting complicated. Warning: Contains language.

Friday was the 20th aniversary of my entry unto the veil of tears in which I find myself. On that day I received no presents at all, or whatsoever. Ok, I realise that the presants are not everything, that it is the thought that counts. Which is why the lack of *anything* hurts quite this much. This isn’t strictly true. I have a present, Admittedly I have had it for a week or so, but a present it remains. And the fact that it is from <N> makes it all the nicer. Unfortunatly I left it in my flat when I abandoned it with food poisoning, so it is as remote as anything else. On top of this I have left the charger there (I can’t collect it due to afformentioned lack of working door) for my mobile. Thus I cannot contact anybody about going for a drink. I havn’t seen any of my friends since arriveing in Paddock Wood.

Which brings me to the Online world. Online is divided into two sections, the first is <N>, the rest is everything else. Since the whole <N> thing is completely unresolveable in any way I can enjoy (Or rather, it *is* resolved, but in a way that is both irrevokable and fair. This doesn’t make it better) It just degenerates into nothingness. Everything else includes the Movie (AFP are making a film. I hope to be in it) Which appears to be going more Burocratic by the day. (This is a major problem. AFP is totally freewheeling, the only way to restrain that is to impose order. But to get an effect you must not skimp with the order, and this means it is harder and harder for anything to actually get *done*. But I digress) and #afp, and everything. Apart from the normal “Happy cheery punning Aquarion” stuff on #afp, I seem to be getting increasingly lost. Most of my time is spent idle (surfing the net, waiting for something interesting to happen) because either deep silence prevails or the conversation is not join-in-able by me.

And that brings me to Aquarionics. I’m looking for a new host for Aquarionics. I am paying though the nose for what is really quite a basic service on Pennyhost. The only things that split it from the other deals I’ve seen is the # of megabytes (40), the unlimited pop accounts, and (And here is the hard bit) the easy to set up and use Mailinglist feature. Aquarionics now hosts six mailinglists (Bostridge, AFPHoroscope, AFPMovie, Admin, MSCEProject and Absolutly Nothing), and finding a host I can transfer them too seems to be the hard bit. Oh yes, and they have to be running Linux (Simply for Apache, mySQL and PHP, which I want). If anyone knows of someone who can help, tell me please…

Thirdly. What is the fucking point? I’m at a uni I don’t want to be at, heading for a career whose identity I can’t see, alone. I’m a sad geek living in alone in a single room flat in one of the most dangeous cities in the country. On the plus side, I’ve spent my second new year with people I activly like, I actually lived the tradition of kissing someone at midnight on the new year. On the minus side, I’m broke, on the wrong end of a triangle, and appear to have spent my 20th birthday alone in my room. But I have linux working. Sort of.

I want to exchange my life for one that works. Please.

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