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Humour Imported From Epistula internet Larp MLP Personal sport

We three things

  1. I am going to Maelstrom for the hotest weekend of the year (Not that there’s a hell of a lot of competition). How would you like your Aquarion: baked, boiled or fried?
  2. For the They Who Evolve World Cup Sweepstakes, I have drawn the Ivory Coast. Who are doomed, for no better reason than their connection to me.
  1. Every so often I obsess over songs and grab all the covers I can find. iTunes’ Music Store is bad for me for this reason. I am not, apparently, the only person to do this. Thirteen covers of The Smith’s ‘There is a light that never goes out’

    More things:

  • The new Aquarionics design (v12) is mocked up and sitting in PSP. Soon, I will get around to implementing the blasted thing.
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Humour Imported From Epistula music

360

Podcast of the week? Something like that.

360 Records’s Podcast [iTunes Link] has been the soundtrack to my commute for a little while now, it’s a mix of this small record label’s latest and best releases. It’s encoded with Apple’s advanced podcast stuff, so it effectivly has tracks within the file, meaning you can skip a song you’re not feeling the love of.

The Now Show [ RSS | iTunes ]

The BBC’s top weekly news satire (Kind of a british Daily Show, really. Except weekly. and without the hit-and-mostly-miss mockumentery bits)

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Humour Imported From Epistula

Airline announcement

I’m told this used to be the standard announcement, or variations on it, on Alaska Air. I nicked it from Ed Davis via Dive into Mark, who is, apparently, back.

Hello and welcome to Alaska Flight 438 to San Francisco. If youre going to San Francisco, youre in the right place. If youre not going to San Francisco, youre about to have a really long evening.

Wed like to tell you now about some important safety features of this aircraft. The most important safety feature we have aboard this plane is The Flight Attendants. Please look at one now.

There are 5 exits aboard this plane: 2 at the front, 2 over the wings, and one out the planes rear end. If youre seated in one of the exit rows, please do not store your bags by your feet. That would be a really bad idea. Please take a moment and look around and find the nearest exit. Count the rows of seats between you and the exit. In the event that the need arises to find one, trust me, youll be glad you did. We have pretty blinking lights on the floor that will blink in the direction of the exits. White ones along the normal rows, and pretty red ones at the exit rows. In the event of a loss of cabin pressure these baggy things will drop down over your head. You stick it over your nose and mouth like the flight attendant is doing now. The bag wont inflate, but theres oxygen there, I promise. If you are sitting next to a small child, or someone who is acting like a small child, please do us all a favor and put on your mask first. If you are traveling with two or more children, please take a moment now to decide which one is your favorite. Help that one first, and then work your way down.

In the seat pocket in front of you is a pamphlet about the safety features of this plane. I usually use it as a fan when Im having my own personal summer. It makes a very good fan. It also has pretty pictures. Please take it out and play with it now.

Please take a moment now to make sure your seat belts are fastened low and tight about your waist. To fasten the belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle. To release, its a pulley thing – not a pushy thing like your car because youre in an airplane. HELLO !!

There is no smoking in the cabin on this flight. There is also no smoking in the lavatories. If we see smoke coming from the lavatories, we will assume you are on fire and put you out. This is a free service we provide. There are two smoking sections on this flight, one outside each wing exit. We do have a movie in the smoking sections tonight ..
Hold on, let me check what it is

Oh here it is; the movie tonight is Gone with the Wind.

In a moment we will be turning off the cabin lights, and its going to get really dark, really fast. If youre afraid of the dark, now would be a good time to reach up and press the yellow button. The yellow button turns on your reading light. Please dont press the orange button unless you absolutely have to. The orange button is your seat ejection button.

Were glad to have you with us on board this flight. Thank you for choosing Alaska Air, and giving us your business
and your money. If theres anything we can do to make you more comfortable, please dont hesitate to ask.

If you all werent strapped down you would have given me a standing ovation, wouldnt you?

After landing Welcome to the San Francisco International Airport. Sorry about the bumpy landing. Its not the captains fault. Its not the co-pilots fault. Its the Asphalt.

Please remain seated until the plane is parked at the gate. At no time in history has a passenger beaten a plane to the gate. So please dont even try.

Please be careful opening the overhead bins because shift happens!!

Categories
aqcom Computer Games Current Affairs Design Humour Imported From Epistula Moving to Beford Personal programming web development

Simplicity

So yeah, new year, newish design. It isn’t perfect, but it’s a start. And the new new design is trapped in PSP until I get a new 30 day trial 😀

Simplicity

I like simplicity. It appeals to my sense of design, and the light grey with some of the most delicate shading I could make visible is nothing if not simple. The boxes and curves design is lifted from previous designs, but where there they were gradiented and filled here they are lightly hinted at rather than rigidly defined. The construction marks on the logo I like too 🙂

Complexity

It’s a long way from the new design, which is slightly more heavy on the photographic backgrounds than I usually do, and is therefore something of a departure. Changes are good.

Smart

Today I spent a long time in a car, and a slightly shorter time in an actual meeting with actual clients. For this I am wearing a suit, and am reminded – as I am always reminded – that I need a new suit at some point. I don’t wear suits very often, and part of the reason for that is my enjoyment of the reaction of people who haven’t seen it before. I hate with a passion, however, the shiny clompy shoes, because the shiny clompy shoes are clompy – and I don’t like being clompy – and the shiny clompy shoes go clomp-clomp-clomp all the way home until they wear though my socks and make the backs of my ankles bleed. Which, you know, hurts.

Tech

I suspect that, with all the lack-of-updatingness and the cheese-sandwichingness (though currently it’s a bacon sandwich. Mmm, bacon) I’ve lost most of the geeky percentage of my audience. Though the geeky percentage probably didn’t notice the not-updatingness because they all use RSS readers, and the rest all use friends lists. Why do I bother with the designing of actual web pages again?

Anyway.

Current things that I have been mucking around with include “DOM Scripting” (as well I might), which I will get around to mentioning in a bit, Scripting in computer games (Both Civilization 4 and Vampire The Masquerade use Python as their primary game scripting language, which I find interesting, and have on my list of Things To Write An Article About) and Visual Studio Express.

Open Sorcery types, you can switch off now, because I don’t need your next reaction.

So, I have downloaded Visual Studio Express which is what happens when Microsoft miss the point. Amateur coders are mostly nowadays developing in things like Python, Perl, PHP and if they have had their brains fiddled with, GCC and Java. Lots on Linux. This is, indeed, partly because Visual Studio costs TEN MILLION DOLLARS per license.

Actually, it doesn’t, but as a non-professional developer it might as well do, as the high licensing puts something of a boot-strapping problem in front of learning to dev for Win32, or even Win64. So, Visual Studio Express you can download for Free (as in Beer). Well, you can download a demo for free (as in beer), but you do have to register for free (as in, be spammed for eternity) and have a Passport account (as in “submit to the almighty Gates empire”. Much like you have to do for OpenSolaris) (Except different empire, obviously) (Yeash, you guys are pedantic). So yeah, I’m downloading VC++ (Because I want to design a Half life 2 mod about killing lawnchairs) (Incidentally, Valve’s Developer docs are all in a Wiki, isn’t that interesting?) (Yes, too many brackets, Sosumi) and it’s taking an eternity, though not as long as XCode did. I mean, what do you have to put into an IDE to make it 800mb?

Oh, right. OS X. Chrome, naturally.

So yeah, updates as and when. Also about the Mysterious Project Breakfast, assuming I get around to that too.

Sushi

Bedford has a sushi restaurant. I swear the things follow me around. I am, of course, doomed, but I am doomed with expensive raw fish, and that somehow makes it all worth while.

Dead Ken(nedy)

Charles Kennedy, leader of the UK Liberal Democrats Governmental party, has, shortly after some people accused him of not being a good leader, admitted to having a drinking problem. His chances are not looking terribly rosy.

(From The Friday Thing Dead Kennedy Pool):
When Charles finally goes, the nearest prediction will win its predictor a bottle of Talisker 18 Year Old Single Malt Whisky. And the country will win a second opposition party with an actual leader. Everyone’s a winner.

(Thats three times I’ve attempted to spell “Kennedy” as “Khennedy”, which is your fault, Jason)

Tuesday, Ten AM.

Shortly afterwards all the people who said they wouldn’t run against him in a leadership election will, in fact, run against him in a leadership election “In the interests of the party”.

Wednesday, Thirteen Fifteen, Sir Malcolm Rifkind will announce that he’s actually really been a spy for the Liberal Democrats all along, will enter – and win – the leadership election, and then all three major parties will be basically Tory. This will set off a chain of Heath Robinson events which will naturally lead to the collapse of the entire political system across the world, leading to the rise and rule of a little known previously almost silent group called the “Bloggers” who will alternate between demanding that everyone be nice to everyone else and being so emo their hair cuts itself, their first action will demand that every person in the entire universe gets a weblog or other online journal and the resulting influx of new accounts at LiveJournal will mean that Six Apart become the single source of money in the entire world, except for Sun, who they buy servers from. Sun will open source world government, leading to rule by whoever argues most consistently on the mailing list, which will eventually lead to the population of the world being run by the commentators on Slashdot, leading to great leaps forward in technological research, the population of Space, a new version of Doom, and a world famine as no money is spent on any food that doesn’t go into either kool aid or cookies. We all die, and it’s all Charlie’s fault for telling us about his drinking problem.

Selfish bastard.

Categories
Humour Imported From Epistula

Quotated

(Moved to holistic while I work out how to serve the special characters as UTF-8 properly).

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Apple Humour Imported From Epistula

Mac Mini Review

(Not mine, sadly. Though the office is getting one)

The Mini has got some built-in software for basic computer functions, but it cant do many common things as well as its grown-up brothers in the Windows world can. The little things can add up to big frustration for someone who might accidentally buy a Mini expecting it to be just like Windows. For example, there is no Outlook Express for email, but Apple includes a program called Mail, which is like a stripped-down email client that cant execute scripts or open attachments without user intervention.

Division Two reviews The Mac Mini

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Humour Imported From Epistula

Breaking News

Scientists at the Institute for Really Quite Clever People have recently discovered that glass, a compound made from the sand you see on the beaches every day, is actually see-though, when you hold it to the light.

Scientists say it continues to be see-though even when under water, or when placed on the other side of a window.

This discovery is shortly to revolutionise the spectacles industry, which has hithertofore used coal for lenses.

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Humour Imported From Epistula

Humour

One

So, two dwarves were discussing who would win in a fight between an elf and a bucket of coal dust.

The result was a bit messy, so they called it a drow.

Two

Between our house and the A1 are a couple of rows of monkey puzzle trees.

This is baffling.

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Humour Imported From Epistula

Apostrocide

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Humour Imported From Epistula

UK Comedy Hierachy

The Geek Hierarchy begat the Pagan Hierarchy and the Japanese Hierarchy and all these other little hierarchies, so I’m going to show you the only hierarchy that matters, that of UK comedy. This is it:

(This is either not going to make any sense at all, in which case I’m sorry, or else it is, in which case I’m sorrier)