[Guildenstern is pretending to be Hamlet]
Rosencrantz: Let me get it straight. Your father was king. You were his only son. Your father dies. You are of age. Your uncle becomes king.
Guildenstern: Yes.
Rosencrantz: Unusual.
Guildenstern: Undid me.
Rosencrantz: Undeniably.
Guildenstern: He slipped in.
Rosencrantz: Which reminds me…
Guildenstern: Well, it would.
Rosencrantz: I don’t want to be personal.
Guildenstern: Common knowledge.
Rosencrantz: Your mother’s marriage.
Guildenstern: He slipped in.
Rosencrantz: His body was still warm!
Guildenstern: So was hers.
Rosencrantz: Extraordinarily…
Guildenstern: Indecent.
Rosencrantz: Hasty.
Guildenstern: Suspicious.
Rosencrantz: Makes you think.
Guildenstern: Don’t think I haven’t.
Rosencrantz: And with her husband’s brother!
Guildenstern: They were close.
Rosencrantz: She went to him…
Guildenstern: Too close.
Rosencrantz: For comfort.
Guildenstern: It looks bad.
Rosencrantz: Adds up.
Guildenstern: Incest to adultery.
Rosencrantz: Would you go so far?
Guildenstern: Never!
Rosencrantz: To sum up: your father, whom you love, dies. You are his heir. You come back to find that hardly was the corpse cold before his young brother pops onto his throne and into his sheets, thereby offending both legal and natural practice. Now… why exactly are you behaving in this extraordinary manner?
Guildenstern: I can’t imagine.

Why did nobody tell me this film existed before? It’s wonderful!