Elsewhere on the great sprawling mass that comprises the Aquarionics network, a new version of Quoth, my windows-based random .sig generator, has be launched here, mainly because of the shocked appearance of someone who is using the thing, and found a bug 🙂
Ways to survive life:
- Never play leapfrog with a unicorn
- Never enter an arse-kicking contest with a hedgehog
and finally, the most vital of all:
- Never ever fall in love
This has been a public service annoucement, we now return you to our usual trivialities.
I got hooked on Avalon this afternoon. Two hours later I finished the archives. I seem to display an amazing single-mindedness for webcomics that I totally fail to do for academia :-). Talking of which, Life got more complicated today as I was given the assignment for Database Systems And Analysis, following on from all the work we have done on SQL and Oracle, I have to choose (and justify) a Database Management System for a company’s purpose. But that’s not due ’til febuary, so that’s all right then.
Went shopping. Regretted it. Bought 2 textbooks (
Ok, New toy 🙂
Babble creates “coherant” text from text-files you feed it. F’example, given Shakespere, it will come out with:
But fools do entreat her eyes were a nunnery, do wear
it off. What light through the brightness of the
heaven, Romeo? Deny thy name. Two of sinners? That
I might touch that cheek upon the bosom of the air.
Two of that cheek! What of the envious. To be a
Capulet. O Romeo! O, how she leans her eyes in a
breeder of troubles, and refuse thy father and arrows
of that I were not her eyes of that hand! Wherefore
art thou wilt not night. Her head? It off.
But *far* more fun is to give it a random piece of text (like the log from #afp, an IRC channel, for example) and to see what happens:
Sand sandriana modem-249. crow.uk Quit Ping timeout
for beaneater [126.96.36.199] LeahW NikkiW 992- mp
0- cvx 3 a-62.9 com.telinco.net has joined 6
"Spent many hours tossing and turning..."
ali: No. but I don't know how to pay, I
and i am sand, Martin goes put on Greetings
from ME being shite. Random
Andy: Otto the Bus Driver Man.
Corinne goes off to do, Martin.
Kath kathnaylor ppp-0 afp (+n) 0 afp Simpsons Casting
that's better, really.
I intend to have more fun with this, I’ll mention if I get anything good, but I’ll leave you with what happens if you feed this page into Babble:
I, Nicholas Avenell, being of my cooker, for if I
ever used my phone bill, and with it drivers. This
isn't fatal, given my toolkit and the question I ask
myself is simple, As A Free Lunch, but the standard
BT Voice telling me that "This is a group assignment,
November 22, 2836"
It starts as all things should
At the beginning.
A dark sky, dotted with stars.
Lines appear, joining the stars to form a
An Aquarion Production.
They fade away, and the camera pans down
as the story begins
Chapter the First
Thats what the reddish tinge was,
They were getting quite high now, licking
the branches of the trees like they were looking for a night to
Normally there would be fire-engines or
something, except in the forests of a land where Magic was prized
over science any day of the week (except possibly Thursday)
Fire-engines were not so much late as I suppose it might have
been a good idea to invent them type thing.
Plus this was a forest. An old, dry
forest. Even if there had been a local fire station, the chances of
any of the forest being recoverable were slim.
Watching the fire were two men. The first
was the leader of the village. The second was a man who we will come
to shortly. Suffice to say at this point that he is the instigator of
this conflagration, which is to say that he started the fire. In
fact, stuff shortly, let us look at him right now.
When this person looks into his bedroom
mirror at night, which he does every night, it is obvious that he
sees a God of Men. Tall, Sleekly muscled, with the hair that would go
on TV declaiming that they were worth it. The problem was
that to the rest of the world he wasnt. Admittedly he was tall,
but his hair did not look cut so much as mown. And as for sleekly
muscled, it would apply only if you could also pin that label
on Shaggy from Scooby Doo.
At this point the writer could leave it,
point at him and laugh and call him Mr Stereotype. This is s type of
person who doesnt really need a name. And even if he had one
you would instantly forget it. But, for narrative simplicity we shall
give him a name. We shall call him Roger.
I didnt mean for this to
happen said Roger, unnecessarily, I was only
Id save the excuses son.
Said the Leader who, for the record, was not Rogers father. Nor
wanted to be.
What do you mean? Ask the
bespectacled one (did we mention the glasses? No? He wears glasses.)
The Leader said nothing, but pointed at a
button. The button was blue, and behind a slim pane of glass. Which
someone, in defiance of all probability, had set into a tree and
written upon it some words. Those words were:
In case of emergency, break glass.
I think, said the Leader,
looking at the ashen remains of the village, this counts.
He broke the glass.
There was a blue flash.
A couple of seconds a blue shimmering area
appeared and a man stepped of it.
Who the Hell are you? asked
My name is Sapphire Kael Da Blue
Said Sapphire Kael Da Blue But call me Sapphire, And I am one
of the 7 most powerful Magicians in this dimension
And what have you got to do with
Easy Said Sapphire with a hard
edge that hadnt been there before I was born here.
Oh Said Roger.
Bugger He added.
So Said the tall Magician in
the blue robe How exactly did you burn down my village?
Roger paused. There were two options here.
One, he could attempt to fob Sapphire off with a lie or Two, he could
tell the truth.
Of the 7 members of the Rainbow, who
comprised the 7 most powerful magicians in the world, Roger happened
to know that Blue and Green had cornered the mind reading side of
things. That was Sapphire and his girlfriend Emerald. Lying was not,
then, a good idea.
"What is Magic?" asked the
man in the blue robe at the front of the hall. A student, feeling
lucky, tentatively raised a hand: "Yes?"
"Something not possible under
"No. Trick question, There is no
such thing as magic."
The general reaction to this by the
hall full of people selected to receive training in Magical Arts was
one of disbelief. Noting this, Sapphire continued:
"Let me demonstrate" he said.
Then he stuck his tongue out at the
The reaction to this was as was
to be accepted, Old Saff had finally gone loopy and right round the
twist. once the sniggering had died down Sapphire continued,
perfectly audibly and normally, yet with his tongue sticking out.
"Everybody in this room stick your
280 tongues emerged from 280 students.
"Now, roll it into a tube"
said the man in front
140 tongues rolled into tubes.
Another 140 made ‘I can’t do it’
"Correct" explained Sapphire,
"and that’s what I mean. To half of you, that trick is simply
that, a trick, But to the others it is an impossibility, your tongues
simply don’t do that. Magic is an ability to do something that others
by NA. 11/25/00
There has to be a concept of zero.
It is speculated that the multiverse was created in order it kill itself.
There are 3 forces in the multiverse, Which we shall call Empirical, Natural and Magical, and some say that the purpose of the multiverse is to find out which one will win. Like a multi-dimensional coin someone has tossed to see which side lands face up.
But in order for one power to win, there has to be a concept of zero.
There is, It’s called Neutral.
The theory of parallel universes runs thusly, Whenever there is a possibility for decision the universe diverges into 2. So there are always 2 universes of vital importance, the first is Universe 1 which was made first and which is pre-programmed to reject any kind of interference from another dimension.
The second is the place where the action happens, the face that will be viewed when the coin falls. You could imagine it as the centre point in a three-way tug-of-war, If the rest of the universe is controlled by one force and it controls enough to pull the rest of it over the line, that force wins. But there is a tug of war on the centre point, which affects how far the force has to pull to win. The centre point has to stay neutral.
So there was a fourth force, that of Neutrality, desperately trying to stop any of the forces from going too far.
The problem is that the force of neutrality was running backwards and forwards, trying to keep the multiverse in line, when the other three forces set a trap. The trap confined Neutrality’s field of influence to the centre point, and worse, bound it to that universe, not even being able to see the state of the multiverse.
The Neutrality sat on the planet, and decided that the best way to influence a planet was from the inside, and so poured it’s power into a human body during conception. After a nine month holiday he emerged in human form, not realising that the teaching changes the mind, and all the morals and ethics that as a force he was above were now something he himself were affected by.
A couple of hundred years past, and he infiltrated every power. Every plot hatched he both helped and hindered, he was an unknown thorn in the sides of each of the six agents, before the worst possible thing happened. The force for neutrality did the one thing he shouldn’t, yet had no control over. He fell in love.
Then, one fateful day, he was forced to make a choice. He knew his decision in advance, there was only one way to keep it neutral, but that would mean the death of his love. He was going to have to choose.
He found he couldn’t live with the choice he made, and that he was far too involved, Then he found a way out of his trap, a portal that would take him to another universe, where he could regroup and recover for a century or two. He passed though the portal.
And that was the last time he trod on
the soil of Universe 2.
by NA. 11/25/00
Again, abandoned. This time due to far too much “Ooh, look it’s $foo from $thisPlace stuff.
There is something depressing about a
white, clear computer screen. The single, solitary line blinking at
you from the top left hand side of it, like some evil blinking eye of
He looked carefully at the word. Was
this the correct way to start a Shareholders meeting? Probably not
He pressed the Windows and R keys.
He pressed enter. The familiar green
screen launched itself, and 9 piles of cards arranged themselves
on-screen. Solitaire, the last refuge from Writers block.
He clicked aimlessly for a while,
before realising that every card was Black.
In disgust, he shut down Solitaire, and
decided to check his e-mails.
8 New messages, displaying:
From / Subject,
NTK/ C’est Need To Know
Xxx@hotmale.com / Free XXX Movies!!!
Kay@Merlintech.com / SHTK Stuff
Zoom Media / Dear Valued Customer
Jason@spamicide.fooserve.com / Make Big $$$
Xnedra@Aloria.com (Ce’) / Re: Kale’s Army
James.Farly@Solicitor.co.uk / Natalie Warder
Mailinglists@SPS.org [SPS] / HTML 5 Standard Broken?
He read NTK whilst online, and wondered
how they found this stuff each week, filed the second and fourth
messages in the recycle bin, and put the last into the “later”
box, for when he had time. This only left Kay’s message, Ce’s message
and this Farly person. Farly seemed to know how to use e-mail, The
message was marked Urgent, so Simon opened that. He read the message.
by NA. 11/25/00
I, Nicholas Avenell, being of over-stressed mind and ‘flu ridden body, do hereby and with this document update my website thusly.
This isn’t fair. I never get ill. yet I remain shivering, and with a horrible sore thoat that leaves me feeling like I’ve been singing solos for hours without water. I don’t deal well with being ill.
A summery of my day so far, using my attempt to cook dinner as an example:
A diagram of my cooker, for referance (Side view):
|==== <--Grill | +---| | | <--The Oven | | +---+
- I turn on the grill
- I play a level of Sheep
- I realise that I left a loaf of bread in a plastic bag on top of said grill.
- I lift said bag, to discover it has melted and printed “Tesco” all over my cooker. *sigh*
- No, it doesn’t come off
- Yes, the plastic did.
- So I decide to fry some chicken.
- The fire alarm goes off.
- I give up and get take out.
On the other hand, I bought Sheep. Which I really shouldn’t have done. Oh well. Back to playing the games…