In lieu of actual content, an anthology of my opinions on Mondays:

Garfield mode, activate:

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Today is brought to you by the number 94578319, The letter Y, and the phrase “Oh gods it’s still only Monday”
June 09, 2014 at 07:21PM
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That thing where you dream an entire working day, before waking up to find it’s back to being monday morning.
January 05, 2015 at 08:03AM

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Wednesdays exist because you don’t quite deserve a Monday yet, but you haven’t earned enough karma for a weekend.
January 07, 2015 at 09:37AM

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Rassin’ fassin’ cryptomondays.
September 01, 2015 at 08:14AM

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… what? Monday? But… oh… okay then. If we have to.
September 07, 2015 at 08:02AM

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Monday: Proof that you didn’t wish hard enough.
December 14, 2015 at 08:41AM
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Monday. So good they named it once.
December 21, 2015 at 08:19AM

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Welcome to the Mondayist of all Mondays. [Offer not valid in Scotland]
January 04, 2016 at 07:05AM

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Today is Blue Monday, which means not only worse than normal Mondays, but does come with an iconic drum intro.
January 18, 2016 at 11:36AM

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Monday: everything you ever dreamed of, right up to the meeting where you forgot to wear clothes.
February 01, 2016 at 07:57AM

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Due to the timetable change, some may receive an additional Monday instead of the advertised Tuesday. We apologize for the inconvenience.
March 01, 2016 at 11:29AM

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Due to overstock on Mondays, the record run remains, and will continue until morale improves.
March 02, 2016 at 08:49AM

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The endless parade of Mondays continued like a bad remake of Groundhog day. Every morning the people of the world woke up, hoping against hope that they had progressed to Tuesday or – wonder of wonders – the powers had decided to grant a precious Friday in lieu of the rest of the week being skipped over. But no, as they reached for their calendars, the truth stared back at them, grey and impassive as a granite headstone, Monday March 3rd, 2016.
March 03, 2016 at 03:25PM

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On the fifth day the people woke up tired and hopeless. Many of them got up and made tea, some coffee, some showered, some wept. None of them looked at anything that could tell them the date until the last moment they could before leaving. Some shread of optimism remained in a few, hoping that the endless parade of Mondays had finally come to an end; Most resigned themselves to another day as all this week had been: A relentless uphill slog with no end in sight. Though slits of fingers the people glanced at their calendars. Monday, March 4th. It was Monday again. Faces fell, facades fell, and the weeping began. They trudged to work, the weight of the working week heavy on their shoulders, heads down against the drizzle and dismality. As they reached their workplaces, the week stretched before them forever, an endless series of Mondays, grey and cloudy, some etched with the promise of snow. There was no hope left in the world, no weekend to reach for. But at Lunchtime, the sun came out. A beam of pure joy that spread wide across the land, warming the hearts of all who touched it. A decision overturned, a tasklist shortened. Friday had come at last, and tomorrow: Maybe the weekend?
March 04, 2016 at 01:26PM
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Monday: Proof abstract concepts of time can be suffused with malice.
April 18, 2016 at 09:24AM

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Tuesday is the Monday of a new generation
May 03, 2016 at 08:44AM

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In the grim future of 2016, there is only monday.
May 16, 2016 at 11:13AM

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Mondays: If you would just try harder, maybe they wouldn’t come so damn often.
June 06, 2016 at 10:31AM

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This Tuesday is a dirty trick with a rotting Monday at its core.
June 21, 2016 at 10:47AM

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This is Monday. It doesn’t hate you, it’s just disappointed with what you’ve done with the world.
June 27, 2016 at 07:45AM

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In the event of Monday, please remain clam. Transmogrification is the recognised route to survival. Those who cannot: I’m sure it’ll be fine
October 03, 2016 at 08:47AM

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Mondays can sense fear, and attack based on movement. So if you stay very still and don’t even think progressive thoughts, you will be fine.
October 10, 2016 at 07:42AM

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Garfield mode, deactivate. But first: Lasagna.