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Today has been stressful, partly because I’ve apparently done something unforgivable, which I cannot apologise for because I’m being mass ignored and I don’t know what it is. I’d like to know what it is so I can a) stop doing it, b) not do it again or c) change what I’m doing so I’m doing it differently. Assuming none of these are breathing, writing or walking.

Then I went to eat sushi – which was an all you can eat buffet and was Very Nice Indeed – and watch Miami Vice. The sushi, as I said, was nice. The film…

The film had many sex scenes, two of which happened in showers. You are not supposed to get bored of sex scenes.

The film had many action scenes, mostly with little idea of who you were watching being shot.

The film had a plot which contained: Spies, Crossing, Lies, Counter-Spies, Drugs, Sex, Double-crossing, Sunglasses, Counter-Counter-Spies, Bearded evil people, Non-bearded good people, Sex, Double-crossing, Aeroplanes, Fast cars, Fast boats, Fast women, Fast bombs, Fast guns, Slow motion, More sunglasses, Sex, Crossing, Sextuple Crossing, Showers, Yet more drugs, Yet more crossing, White supremacists, the FBI, The bad-guy with the greatest view ever, A complete lack of the final death of the major bad guys, unrequitable love, drinking responsibly, sunglasses, sex and a big neon sign labeled “Fast sequel approaching”.

I may have lied about the drinking.

All this tied up in two and bit hours of non-stop sludge. This is not a film to pay any attention to whatsoever.

There were no reptiles (or liquids) on the aeroplanes.

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