So myself and my girlfriend are currently doing the slow, slow waltz of the house-hunters, Stalking though Reading with Very Big Nets and with miniture houses as hats on our heads to try to locate the house of our dreams.

Bah. It’s Saga time, here on Aquarionics dot com. Are you ready? Are you blogging comfortably? Then I’ll begin.

Once upon a time, in the land of Angle there lived a Beautiful Princess and a Possibly-Passable-In-Bad-Light-From-The-Right-Profile Prince whom we shall Aquarion, for that is his name. One bright and sunny spring day, they commenced on a quest to discover a new castle where they could reside. From the castle in Ca’mbridge they galloped, reaching the next (How do I put Trains into a fantasy non-steampunk scenario? Aha…) superhorse to the big city, where they caught another superhorse direct to the library city of Reading, Land of Bojs, where they met F’Rank, Herder Of Housen, who equipped them with nets of the largest size, and they went off into the urban jungle, hunting houses.

Soon, we came across a pair sitting in the middle of a herd of housen. Herder F’Rank offered the Housen examples of it’s staple food, the Keez that grow on the lesser spotted Keeooks specially cultivated by his Herdmaster, until it was pacified and the Prince and Princess could examine it without being bitten.

This Housen was no longer young (or a “Chead”), and showed signs of evolution. A number of growths which F’Rank described as “fownke-nectars”, representing the major strains of such in the local area, littered the main cavity, and there was even an “Eye Esde’en” growth inside.

The second Housen was obviously in some pain, a great metal cage had been erected around – and sometimes inside – it, and it didn’t even flinch when we entered it without offering it Keez. When wandered around inside, it was clear why. This Housen was a mother! Inside was a litter of smaller Housen, known as “Phlaits” which refused entry without a great deal of mucking around with Keez. The Prince and Princess were perfectly willing to take a Phlait instead of a Housen for their Castle, and this Phlait was a fine example, with a beautiful central cavity and a nice B’Droom cavity, but the K’chen cavity was tiny.

The Prince and Princess, together with Herder F’Rank, placated the Phlait and it’s mother, wished it good health in the future, and left to the home of Herder F’Rank’s Guild: Vanderpump and Wellbelove (And that, I assure you, I’m not making up. That really *is* the name of the letting agency). Where they decided upon the first Housen as their Castle.

Now came the longest part of the Quest, the strange and secret series of rituals and rites that must be followed before the Housen is theirs. The Calling of the References, the Summoning of the Guarantors, and the Paying of the Deposit. The Prince and Princess returned to their current Castle in Ca’mbridge, knowing that whilst the start had ended, the end – and the new castle – had barely begun.