Message-ID: From: Aquarion Newsgroups: alt.fan.pratchett Subject: Re: [F] DWCon - Convention Update Date: Sat, 20 Jul 2002 15:45:22 +0100 On Fri, 19 Jul 2002 21:07:01 GMT, junk@bleurgh.net (MP) wrote: >On 19 Jul 2002 13:34:24 -0700, info@dwcon.org (Discworld Convention >2002) wrote: > > > >I have a query: is it normal to want to attend every single session at >the Con? I mean, every single one? >If so, how do you do it? I haven't enough time to clone me several >times... There is a saying. It goes as follows: "So many responses, so little time" So, we have cutlery on the moterway, three possible directions. Number One: The Harry Potter Reference. Number Two: The Dr Who Reference. Number Three: The one where I might actually have to work on a post. *tosses coin* *coin remains at apex of throw, spinning rapidly* So, Heads for option one. Tails for option two, and anything else for option three. (heh heh heh, this should be quick). *coin begins to dramatically tumble to earth. it lands on the soft ground.* Heads! *it bounces* Tails! *it turns into a small bowl of custard, accompanied with a very small piece of rubarb crumble* Bugger. Okay, it's very simple. As you enter the convention, to your left will be a person in a hat, it is vitally important that you turn right, and walk into the first event, then out, and right again into event two, at this junction take the northeast exit to the event sign posted Woolpit, and then west onto the hall of worlds, then right again to get onto the A25, from then the room with the third event will be on your right, the forth on your left when you take the fifth exit from the third room of the third panel. Then enter the blue police box, and ask nicely to be taken to a cafe where they serve nice tea, where you will meet a man with a birdcage over his second head who will give you the telephone number of an Islington flat where you will encounter an angel who will give you a small ebony statue of the beast of London, and point you to an exit where you will find yourself inside the next session. Take the right exit from there to find yourself on the Watzaup Dock where you can catch a barge up the slow river. In the saloon of the barge you will find the next session, but be sure to leave early so you can play the game of dice-dominos with the man from manchester who is in the cabin. When the boat stops, you will find yourself on a landing place inlaid alternately with hickory wood and wood from the d'cory tree which doesn't grow on these shores. Proceed up the Hickory/D'Cory dock until you see a rodent enter the chronometer, where you will find a woman with a rabbit tattooed on her shoulder who will present you to the next session. Keep following her until you reach the tunnel, then drink the potion on the table (Taking the key first!) until you can enter the door in the far wall. In the room beyond will the next session, which you can attend. When you exit that room, find the sandy-haired man with the big sword and the red-headed wife, and follow them to the next session. Another left, another trip through the hall of worlds (take the second door) kiss the blonde girl, but be sure not to let her stab you with the pointy stick, and run north until you get to the library where the next session is. Talk to the red-head about riding people like ponys, and she will cast a spell transferring you to another dimension. Again, beware of the pointy sticks, but also note that you can dehydrate from excessive drooling at the alternative version of the redhead. A swirling portal near the nightclub will take you back to the convention carpark, where the next session is, and then a man with long blonde hair in what appears to be an inflatable time machine will take you back to your original co-ordinates, and give you a hat. Walk into the convention, turn left, and put on the hat. Wait for a few minutes until you're sure you've already gone past, then spend the next weekend trying to remember which sessions you attended already, and then attend the ones you didn't. The only mandatory one is the speculation panel. Yours in total sincerity, Aquarion "Spot the reference" De'blue (Answers at http://www.aquarionics.com/afp/str.html)
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