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There’s a cut-scene as a week passes, and we’re on the Saturday after we’ve moved in. I’ve skipped over some puzzles, like "planning how to get to work", "how to get all the books on the bookshelves" (which is a substandard tetris-ripoff of a minigame at most), and "How to cook bolognaise when only one hob gets hot enough to boil or fry anything", but yesterday, this happened.

Current inventory: Nothing.

A credit card has been delivered to the MAILBOX in the hallway, but the MAILBOX KEY is mising.

> Go to MAILBOX

You are in a hallway. There is a redundant array of inexpensive MAILBOXEN in front of you. They are all blue. They are numbered with a selection of the possible numbers from one hundred to one thousand nine hundred and four. They are all locked.

> Examine box 1704

It’s blue. You can see a NEWSPAPER inside.

> Talk to PORTER.

You see no PORTER. There is a SUBSTITUTE PORTER here.

> Talk to SUBSTITUTE PORTER about MAILBOX.

SUBSTITUTE PORTER has no mailbox key. SUBSTITUTE PORTER is APOLOGETIC. SUBSTITUTE PORTER gives you MAILBOX SKELETON KEY.

> Thank porter. Take key.

There is no PORTER here.

> Thank substitute porter. Take key.

SUBSITITUTE PORTER thanked, you have a MAILBOX SKELETON KEY.

> Open mailbox with key.

Opening MAILBOX 1704 with MAILBOX SKELETON KEY. That doesn’t work.

> What?

That doesn’t work.

> Return Key

You give the MAILBOX SKELETON KEY back to the SUBSITITUTE PORTER. SUBSTITUTE PORTER is APOLOGETIC.

> Examine Mailbox.

It’s blue. You can see a NEWSPAPER inside.

> Examine Mailbox slot.

Your fingers will just about fit inside.

> pick up NEWSPAPER.

There is no need to shout. You have a copy of Hackney Today.

> Examine MAILBOX

It’s blue. You can see a PIZZA LEAFLET inside.

> Pick up leaflet.

You have a NEWSPAPER and a PIZZA LEAFLET.

> Examine Mailbox

It is blue. You can see a ENVELOPE inside.

> Pick up Envelope.

You cannot get a grip.

> Up.

You are in your flat.

> Drop mail.

You have nothing.

> Look.

You see a PIZZA LEAFLET, a NEWSPAPER and nothing useful. A spark of INSPIRATION floats by.

> Get inspiration.

Taken.

> Look

You see a SPATULA and some other stuff.

> Take tongs and spatula.

You have a SPATULA.

> Down

You are in a hallway. There is a redundant array of inexpensive MAILBOXEN in front of you. They are all blue. They are numbered with a selection of the possible numbers from one hundred to one thousand nine hundred and four. They are all locked.

> Use spatula on mailbox.

After a short amount of time, you have an ENVELOPE for someone else, and an ADVERT for european style hair styling and waxing from as shop called "Ibiza" down the road.

> Examine Mailbox

It is blue. You can see a LARGE FLAT ENVELOPE inside.

> Take Large Envelope

You can’t get a grip with the SPATULA either.

> Up.

You are in your flat.

> Drop Mail

You have a SPATULA.

> Look

You can see some mail, a roll of STICKYBACK PLASTIC, some STRING and a PAPERCLIP.

> Pick up sellotape and string and paperclip.

You have a SPATULA, a roll of STICKYBACK PLASTIC, some STRING and a PAPERCLIP.

> Examine Sellotape

It’s a roll of STICKYBACK PLASTIC.

> Examine Sellotape

It’s a roll of STICKYBACK PLASTIC.

> Examine Sellotape

You can’t make me, you know. I *like* calling it STICKYBACK PLASTIC.

> Noted.

Good. Next?

> Down

You are in a hallway. There is a redundant array of inexpensive MAILBOXEN in front of you. They are all blue. They are numbered with a selection of the possible numbers from one hundred to one thousand nine hundred and four. They are all locked.

> Use sellotape and string on spatula.

Done. You now have a MACGYVERIAN DEVICE instead of a SPATULA. There is a PORTER here.

> Use device on Mailbox.

Before you do so, the PORTER hands you a MAILBOX KEY.

> Use Key on Mailbox.

You do so. There is an ANTICLIMAX here.

> Take ANTICLIMAX

You have a MACGYVERIAN DEVICE, a roll of STICKYBACK PLASTIC, a PAPERCLIP, some STRING,

and an ANTICLIMAX.

5 comments
  1. What, no “The redundant array of inexpensive mailboxen falls on top of you. You are dead, you have scored 3 out of a possible 20000 points, giving you the level of Confused Toddler” ??

    Tsk.

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