My flat came with a sofabed. I am exactly the wrong height for it, since it places my shoulders exactly where the big wooden plank of the front of the sofa is, the bar across the middle where my hips want to be, and my feet poking out the end. I slept on it for three months.

Someone in one of the flats around me decided to throw out an entire three piece suite around marchish, and decided to place it around the back of the block, where it would never ever be taken away. I looked at it for a while, because it was quite a nice suite (It was blue, anyway. I am a man of simple tastes) but it wouldn’t have fitted in my flat.

Not “It wouldn’t have gone with the curtians”, or even “I wouldn’t have been able to reach the windows”, the chairs wouldn’t have fitted though the door, the sofa would have taken up the entire floorspace. I do not have a large flat.

So I stole the cushions. Well, I left it for a few days to see if anyone was going to take the thing away entirely, or set fire to it, or send it to freecycle. Then I took the cushions and built a small fort.

I am 25 going on 9.

The pile of cushions is now my bed. It contains the cushions, two duvets, six pillows a blanket and a sleeping bag.

It is the most comfortable bed I have ever slept in.