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You will require:

  • Fish Fillets

    One per person. Smoked, for preference. The recipe says unsmoked, but the recipe says a lot of things we will be comfortably ignoring over the next twenty minutes.

  • Salad Dressing

    Thick, creamy, italian-style white salad dressing that isn’t Ceaser dressing. Nor is it Caeser dog food. This is Important. You’ll need about one bottle per three fillets, streaching to four fillets if it really has to.

  • Chedder Cheese

    Some. Grated thinly.

  • A packet of unsalted crisps.

    That’s right, unsalted crisps. Apparently you can get these easily in the states, but for those of us on this side of the atlantic I suggest you get a packet of those “Salt ‘n’ Shake” crisps and then don’t salt them. Use the little blue packet for whatever you feel like using it for.

    Ensure you have all the above, and a baking dish large enough to hold all the fish fillets side by side. If you don’t, create a dish with tin-foil and use that on top of a baking tray. If you can’t do that, there’s no hope.

    Preheat the oven to “Really fucking hot”, or about 250oc

    Get a bowl, and pour the dressing into it. Enjoy the wonderfully decadent gloop noise it makes.

    Put the fish into the bowl, fully covered by salad dressing, and leave it for a bit while we do the next thing:

    Open the bag of crisps, convince yourself that one crisp won’t hurt the recipe, and eat it. Smash the remaining crisps into tiny little pieces with the nearest blunt object. It’s a good idea to put them into a bag or something before you do this. Vent your frustrations on it, make the small bag become the mother-in-law, or exams, or Bastard Ex. Have fun.

    When you have sucessfully dusted a bag of crisps, you may feel proud for a bit. Once you have concluded basking in the glory of your sucess, add some grated cheese and mix it around a bit. Resist the urge to hammer it some more, for the cheese will make the crisps reform like something out of Terminator. Gentle mixing, shaking, combining. Violence at this point is unnecessary. If you feel like more violence, go play Grand Theft Auto for a while.

    Happy? Cool. Now that the fish has been in the salad dressing for a few minutes, withdraw it from the horrible white gloopy mess and transfer it to the baking dish/tinfoil monstrosity we created in Oragami class earlier. Carefully sprinkle the cheesy-crisp stuff over the top of the gloopy white fish (all of it), and bung it in the oven for ten minutes while you boil some vegetation.

    Withdraw from oven, arrange on plates, eat.

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