Do spiders make chutney?

On September 17, 2002 by aquarion

Aquarius dislikes wasps slightly

Scott Andrews also has misgivings

Me? I have no objection to wasps. Nor spiders. Nor daddy long-legs, Nor any insect less than 1% of my mass. I can sort of see why people get upset, because some people just seem to attract insects. Personally, when I hold still while a wasp buzzes around my face they ignore me (unless, as happened on one occasion, the wasp comes behind my glasses. At which point I will close my eyes and murmer to the people who want to kill it to take a few steps backwards). I don’t hit them, they ignore me, and go for the person who is jumping up and down and waving arms like a windmill.

Snails, on the other hand, worry me. We have an infestation (there is no other word) of snails. There are almost a hundred of them on the bush that climbs outside our house. They climb up my window and die, baked into snail pie by the late-summer sun. On one occasion one died in the hinges of our front door. It took a couple of minutes to open it the next morning. Outside was a pair of girls with “Jehovah’s Witness” written upon them in mental chalk. They had leaflets. They had pink cardicans. They asked me if I wanted to talk to them for a little while.

I told them I’d love to, but the snails were invading and I had to hold them back. Thankyou, though.

They grinned, somewhat fixedly, and left, somewhat confused.

I then went – barefoot – to get the washing in.

And trod – barefoot – on four unseen snails. Every little bit helps


Category : Imported From Epistula, weblog

No Responses to “Do spiders make chutney?”

  • Sarabian
    September 18, 2002 12:00 am

    Wasps, no problem. Now, if Aquarius had talked about horses… :)

    I had a girlfriend who loved snails, she had a snail garden.

    In my student house we never saw the snails (or possibly slugs) but every morning (or afternoon come to think of it) we’d wake up to the tell tail snail trails all over the house.